When You Stop Expecting, Everything Changes

How accepting reality opened doors I didn't even know existed

"I expect nothing and accept everything." - Gary John Bishop

The first time I read this quote, I'll be honest..I hated it.

It felt like giving up. Like waving a white flag at life and saying, "Whatever happens, happens." That's not courage. That's just passive.

But I had it completely wrong..

Acceptance isn't surrender. It's the opposite. It's finally being honest about where you actually are so you can start moving toward where you want to be.

The Job I Left (Twice)

About five years ago, I left my consulting job to try something new. I landed at a tech company thinking, "This will be different. This will be the thing that finally feels right."

It was a good job. Really good, actually. I stayed for 3.5 years.

But "good" wasn't enough. I still didn't have the purpose or fulfillment I was looking for. I was still spending my afternoons avoiding my own life, playing video games instead of facing the truth.. I was living someone else's definition of success.

I could have gotten upset about it. I could have beat myself up for making another "wrong" choice. I could have stayed another five years telling myself I should be grateful, I should stop complaining, look at what I have.

Instead, I accepted the situation. Not with resignation, but with honesty.. This aint it. I need to make a real change.

Once I made the decision to make a major pivot in my career and become self-employed..really decided, not "maybe someday" but "this is happening".. things started shifting. In the months between that decision and actually leaving, recruiters started reaching out. I got a contract to do what I love: coaching.. Opportunities appeared that hadn't been there before.

Then, on my first official day of being self-employed, I got a job offer.

All of this didn’t happen because I suddenly became more qualified. It happened because I stopped fighting against my own truth. I accepted where I was and opened myself up to possibilities instead of clinging to what looked "safe" or "sensible."

When Security Becomes a Prison

One of my clients (let's call him James) was living a similar paradox. He had the security everyone told him to want: stable job, good salary, a life that made sense on paper.

But professionally? He was completely disengaged. Doing what was necessary, never anything more. No real career trajectory he was excited about. No future he could envision that felt aligned with who he actually was.

For the most part, James loved his life in New York. He had friends, adventures, a life he'd built. But when it came to his career and his future, he knew something else was calling him.

James had traveled to 53 countries before he turned 30. Adventure was in his DNA. But he also genuinely craved stability. The problem wasn't choosing between the two.. it was that he kept trying to want the version of stability everyone else had instead of creating his own blend.

His close-knit family had all gone after more traditional paths. His siblings had followed the expected route. And while his family was supportive and loving, he knew they worried about his wellbeing, about him building a stable life, maybe starting a family of his own.

But the real struggle wasn't just family expectations. It was internal. Could he create a life that honored both his need for adventure AND his desire for stability? Or did he have to choose?

He knew he wanted to work abroad, but the uncertainty of such a dramatic change kept him paralyzed.

What if it didn't work out? What if stability and adventure were incompatible? What if his version of a good life didn't look like anyone else's?

Then he got laid off.

At first, it felt like the worst thing that could happen. But that layoff forced him to accept a reality he'd been avoiding. He couldn't hide behind the security anymore. He couldn't keep telling himself "maybe someday." He had to face the question: What do I actually want?

Once he accepted that his version of stability looked different from others.. that it could include adventure, impact, and meaning.. everything shifted. He accepted that he couldn't just pick one over the other. He had to create a blend that made sense for his path.

He reconnected with an old contact. That conversation led to a VP role at a tech company in Africa.

Now? He's kicking ass. Working really hard, but actually enjoying it. Feeling aligned for the first time in years. Not just going through the motions, but genuinely invested in what he's building.

The layoff didn't create the opportunity. Accepting his truth did. Once he gave in to those nagging forces of alignment and accepted what he knew he truly wanted to do, everything fell into place.

The Difference Between Expectation and Acceptance

Expectations are future-focused fantasies. They're what we think should happen if the universe was fair, if we worked hard enough, if we did everything "right."

Acceptance is present-focused honesty. It's saying, "This is actually where I am. This is actually what I want. These are actually my values, not the ones I inherited."

When you're stuck in expectation mode, you're constantly disappointed. Life rarely unfolds according to our scripts. People don't behave the way they "should." Opportunities don't appear when they're "supposed to."

But when you shift to acceptance..

• You stop wasting energy fighting reality.

• You start seeing options you couldn't see before.

• You make decisions based on what's true instead of what you wish were true.

Living in an Imaginary Future

Think about the last time you got really frustrated. Maybe someone didn't respond to your email as quickly as you expected. Maybe a project took longer than it "should have." Maybe your career progression didn't follow the timeline you had mapped out.

That frustration? It wasn't actually about what happened. It was about the gap between what you expected and reality.

You were living in an imaginary future where things went according to your plan. Then reality showed up and didn't match the script. So you got upset, anxious, disappointed, or angry.

But none of those emotions change what actually is. They just keep you stuck in what you wish was.

When you're caught up in expectations, you're never really present. You're always comparing this moment to some imagined version of how it "should" be. You're disappointed by today because it doesn't match your fantasy of tomorrow.

I see this all the time with my clients. They expected that if they worked hard and played by the rules, they'd feel fulfilled. They expected that the promotion would finally make them happy. They expected that making six figures would quiet that voice saying "there's got to be more than this."

When those expectations don't pan out, they feel betrayed. Frustrated. Lost.

But the problem was never that reality failed them. The problem was that they were trying to live in a future that doesn't exist instead of dealing with the present that does.

Why Misalignment Creates Suffering

Every ounce of frustration in your life comes from this misalignment. Between expectation and reality. Between who you think you should be and who you actually are. Between the life you're living and the life you expected to have by now.

You expect your job to be fulfilling because you did everything "right."

But in reality.. It's soul-crushing.

Misalignment creates suffering..

You expect that saying yes to everyone will make people appreciate you.

But in reality.. You're exhausted and resentful.

Misalignment creates suffering..

You expect that once you achieve the next milestone, you'll finally feel successful.

But in reality.. The goalpost keeps moving and you still feel empty.

Misalignment.. You get the point.

The harder you cling to your expectations, the more painful reality becomes. You spend all your energy being upset that things aren't going according to plan instead of responding to what's actually in front of you.

James expected that if he just kept his head down and did good work, eventually he'd feel engaged. He expected that traditional stability would eventually feel more important than adventure. He expected that he could make himself want what everyone else seemed to want.

But every day, the misalignment between those expectations and his reality created more friction. More angst. More guilt about not following what he knew he could and wanted to do. More frustration from chasing something he didn't really want while not yet chasing what he did want.

What Changes When You Drop Expectations

When you stop expecting a specific outcome, something shifts. You're suddenly able to see the situation for what it actually is, not what you wish it was.

That difficult conversation you've been avoiding? Without the expectation that it will go perfectly, you can approach it honestly.

That career transition you've been terrified to make? Without the expectation that you need to have it all figured out first, you can take the next small step.

That boundary you need to set? Without the expectation that people won’t understand or support you, you can do it anyway.

Acceptance doesn't mean you like what's happening. It just means you're dealing with reality instead of fighting it.

These aren't hypothetical scenarios. This is what actually happens when you stop living in an imaginary future and start dealing with what's real.

When James got laid off, he could have spent months being bitter about how his career "should have" gone. He could have doubled down on his expectation that he needed to choose between stability and adventure, that his path should look like other people's paths.

Instead, he accepted what was.. he was unemployed, nervous, and finally forced to confront what he actually wanted. He accepted that adventure mattered to him. He accepted that he'd visited 53 countries for a reason. He accepted that his version of stability could include both security and meaning.. that he didn't have to sacrifice one for the other.

That acceptance let him approach his situation differently. Not from a place of "this shouldn't have happened to me," but from "okay, this happened, now what do I actually want to do about it?"

When I finally accepted that my tech job wasn't going to magically become fulfilling, I could have spiraled into frustration. I could have blamed myself for making another "wrong" choice. Instead, I accepted it for what it was: useful information. This path wasn't mine. Time to find the one that is.

That acceptance made me available for opportunities I couldn't have planned for.

What Acceptance Actually Looks Like

Acceptance isn't passive. It's not "I guess I'll just stay stuck forever." That's resignation.

Real acceptance is active. It's looking at your life and saying:

"I accept that I've been people-pleasing for years, and it's exhausting me."

"I accept that this 'successful' career doesn't fulfill me, even though it looks good from the outside."

"I accept that I'm scared to disappoint people, but I'm more scared of disappointing myself."

"I accept that I don't have all the answers, and I'm going to move forward anyway."

That's when the magic happens. Not because the universe rewards acceptance with good fortune, but because acceptance frees you to take aligned action instead of spinning in analysis paralysis.

Your Invisible GPS

Think about it this way.. You've been living with an invisible GPS system programmed by everyone except you. Parents, teachers, society, social media... they all inputted destinations into your navigation system before you even knew you had one.

So you've been dutifully following directions to places you never actually wanted to go.

Acceptance is finally looking at that GPS and saying, "Wait. Where am I actually trying to get?"

It's reprogramming the system based on your values, your definition of success, your authentic desires. Not the ones you inherited.

Once you accept where you actually are and where you actually want to go, the path forward becomes clearer. Not easier, necessarily. But clearer.

The Courage to Accept

I know what you're thinking: "But what if I accept my situation and nothing changes? What if I'm honest about what I want and I still feel stuck?"

That fear is valid. But consider the alternative..

What if you keep pretending everything is fine when it's not?

What if you keep following someone else's definition of success for another five years?

What if you wake up a decade from now having never even tried to live according to your own values?

Acceptance takes courage. It takes courage to admit you've been living out of alignment. It takes courage to acknowledge that the path you're on isn't leading where you want to go. It takes courage to say, "I don't have this figured out, but I know this isn't it."

But that courage? It's the first step toward actually living.

Expecting Nothing, Receiving Everything

When I "expect nothing and accept everything," I'm not lowering my standards or abandoning my goals.

I'm releasing my attachment to how things are "supposed to" unfold.

I'm opening myself to possibilities I couldn't have imagined.

I'm trusting that when I live in alignment with my authentic values, opportunities will emerge.

Maybe not the ones I expected, but probably better ones.

The job offer that came on day one of being self-employed wasn't what I was looking for. And that was perfect. Because by then, I'd already accepted that I wasn't following anyone else's map anymore.

James's VP role in Africa wasn't on his vision board. But it was exactly what his authentic self needed. The adventurous, impact-driven person he'd always been finally had a role that matched his values.. and his own unique version of stability.. instead of fighting against them.

That's what happens when you stop expecting a specific outcome and start accepting your truth. You create space for life to surprise you.

What Are You Ready to Accept?

What reality have you been avoiding?

What truth about your life, your career, your relationships, your dreams... what truth have you been fighting against because accepting it feels too scary, too uncertain, too "not what I'm supposed to want"?

The thing you're most afraid to accept? That's probably exactly where your breakthrough is waiting.

Not because acceptance magically fixes everything, but because acceptance is the first honest step toward creating a life that actually aligns with who you are. Not who you've been trying to be.

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If you're tired of following directions that aren't taking you where you want to go, let's talk. I help high-achieving professionals like you break free from inherited patterns and start building lives that actually align with who they're choosing to become. Book a complimentary exploratory session to discover what accepting your truth and designing your authentic path could look like for you.

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